They Smile in Your Face…
“They smile in your face…” is the beginning of an O’jays classic entitled “Back Stabbers.” If you went to an HBCU or a high school with a decent marching band lol you have heard this song’s instrumental before. For the purpose of this blog we won’t be talking about backstabbers. I will be talking about another B word…BULLY. Being bullied is not only a childhood phase. Bullies grow up and become controlling adults. They are everywhere! At the workplace, in the classroom and even at church (yes church). Most of us are used to bullies who are overly aggressive and abrasive in nature. That is not always the case for a bully. They can smile in your face and still be disrespectful. I am going to focus on the “nice” bully. They have the appearance of being nice but the truth is they can be condescending. The don’t fight fair, they fight their battles by being indirect.They throws jabs, snide remarks, with sarcastic undertones laugh at the end of it all. You were just cursed out and you didn’t even know it. This person is passive aggressive with their under handed comments.
Pay attention. The “nice” bully claims to have your best interest at heart. Honestly, it is really about their own interest. They want control and power. This type of person if you give them access into your life they will takeover! You give them an inch they will take a mile. Although they want to help… it’s your life. Once they have access, get ready for the control, personal investigations (aka being nosy), micro managing and being over shadowed in your own life.
I want you to know, no, you are not crazy, yes they did go there, and yes, you need to address it or it will continue. How could I miss it? you ask. Easy! You dismissed your gut feelings. If you ever feel uncomfortable or you feel like someone has overstepped a boundary, chances are they are doing just that. Stop ignoring that feeling. Don’t be fooled be a smile, listen to the message and read in between the lines. I am the queen of letting things slide because I HATE conflict! I don’t like drama at all. I’ve learned that, the more I let things slide… the more I got tried! (that rhymes! that’s my poetic side ya’ll watch out lol). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you kick down doors, and break windows to tell people to get it together. The truth is we have to stop going with the flow, you need to ruffle some feathers and rock the boat! ROAR!!!
Just because you love Jesus, It doesn’t give people the right to take advantage of you, manipulate or bully you! Jesus was not a pushover or a people pleaser. He stood up to the two faced Pharisees. He was honest, He said what He meant and meant what He said. Identify those who are over-stepping their boundaries in your life and own your power! #standup
Books that Have helped me with this Journey is:
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
No More Chrisitian Nice Girl
In order to get into a battle you have to be equipped and
Remember you are an adult. Trust yourself to make your own decisions.
Control need thing to be done their way…
2. Be assertive. Stand your group
3. It’s not all in your head. Trust that you feel uncomfortable. If you feel pressed or that person is invading your space. Chances are they are over stepping their boundaries. Although they want to help it’s your life.